A Completely Broken Daily Life

 I am not sure what happened to me; I can't focus on anything. For the last few months, I have noticed that my daily routinge completely broken. No matter how hard I tried, I could not change a single thing about my daily routine. Neither could I change my daily routine nor my habits, and that's causing a major gap in my concentration at work and even in my personal life.

I used to pray at least four times a day. Now, I am not even praying for a single time. I am not sure; something changed in me. I cannot focus on anything important. 

I have been running a business for the last ten years, and a good number of people working with me. As all of them are stationed in Bangladesh, which is in a completely different time zone, I must have to maintain a regular, sharp routine to keep the shows on. On the other hand, all my clients are in the North American time zone, where I am located, so I must maintain a routine that bridges the gap between my clients and employees.

With my current mental state, I am completely failing to maintain that balance. 

It is not like that I am mentally broken, or I am depressed, or something like that. I somehow feel like I've lost my concentration, always stuck to my mobile phone, looking at the screen, especially Facebook. Every day, I plan to break this habit, but somehow I keep repeating the same thing.

I was, in fact, suffering from this situation when I was in Bangladesh. At that time, some personal accidents happened in my life. So, I can understand the reason. But now I recovered from that trauma, so what happened to me?

I have no one in my life with whom I can share my personal problems. Not only this, but every kind of personal problem. I have to deal with my own problems, counsel myself, and come back with my own. I can't expect any help from anyone. So whenever I faced a challenge in my life, I had to sit tight and alone, think through my situation, counsel myself, chalk out a plan to recover, and act accordingly.

And, this time, I also did the same. I know what I have to do and the possible ways to get out of this situation. If I lay out the points of action, then the step could be as follows;

1. Completely get rid of watching Facebook.
2. Be organized: write down my daily tasks in my notebook and set digital alerts in Google Tasks or Google Calendar.
3. Keep myself engaged in specific daily tasks.
4. Set up a daily work schedule and follow it strictly.
5. Need to include some exciting work in my daily life that I can enjoy. For instance, swimming, cycling, etc.
6. Need to get to sleep at 1:00 AM and wake up between 7:30 AM and 7:45 AM.

Every day, I plan to start a new habit, but I end up watching Facebook as soon as I wake up. And the recent events in my country always pull me to that social media platform for the latest updates. Although I know that events in my country are not worth a single penny to me, it still pulls me there.

Actually, the recent events in Bangladesh were political. I have no interest in Bangladesh politics. But the event that happened in Bangladesh this time was a bit different. 

In 2024, an anti-independence element, which is most likely an Islamist militant political party, somehow managed to oust a political party from power with the help of a foreign-sponsored conspiracy and captured the power. I have zero interest in what happened there, but I cannot shut my eyes or my feelings when these elements are hurting our nation's pride. They are mocking freedom fighters, insulting the history of our nation's liberation war event, and trying hard to wrongly manipulate the independence historical event. This actually disturbs me a lot. I tried hard to divert my attention from this, but I couldn't.

Today, I plan to do the same as planned from tomorrow, but I am unsure whether I will end up with the same habit as today. 

I am not sure whether I should include one more thing on my planned list: writing my thoughts on this blog daily. It may help me do one more thing to vent my frustration, since I have no one to share my thoughts with. I may enjoy writing too. 

Mmm... I think this could be a good idea. But again, the main challenge is to kick-start the habit boldly and keep running with it without any break.